Blair Witch (2016)

NO SPOILERS PROMISE

I watched The Blair Witch Project (1999) last night as one does when one is about to see another film in a franchise. I also watched Book of Shadows (2000) because of reasons I can't explain, self-loathing? I mean, seriously, was the one of the worst horror sequels ever made??

Anyway, I watched TBWP and I thought, this is a perfect horror film. Everything about it is good. I only wish that when I saw it in 1999 that I had no idea it wasn't real. The buzz had kinda reached Down Under shortly after it was released in the US which spoiled the experience a little. TBWP was a massive shakeup/wakeup for the genre (also Scream in 1996 but we're not talking about that one now)(maybe later). It got people talking about horror and putting bums on seats.

 Heather really could have used some tissues

Since then there has been a flood of found footage horror films, most of which are utter shite. Has anyone else watched Willow Creek yet? I dare you. DARE YOU. Whenever I see the words "This footage was found/recovered/edited..." I die a little inside. Ugh, so much ugh.

As a fan of the genre, I find myself let down a lot. I'm always waiting, hoping, for that next bottle of lightning that's gonna make me sit up and go WOW.

Friends, this is that bottle.

Blair Witch was directed by Adam Wingard who has done a lot of work in the genre including V/H/S, V/H/S 2, and You're Next. The screenplay was written by Simon Barrett who did all those things that Adam did. They must be besties.

It's been one week since you looked at me....

I had to do that #sorrynotsorry.

It's been twenty-two years since Heather, Michael, and Josh went down to the woods one day in Burkittsville, Maryland to film a documentary about the Blair Witch. They disappeared and their video tapes were found. Now, Heather's younger brother James (James McClune - Shameless) wants to find her.

Heather's brother, James. Good luck, James.

You know what, I just deleted two paragraphs of the synopsis because I ain't telling you anything about this film. I only watched a few seconds of the trailer, then, when everyone found out it was the TBWP sequel, and everyone lost their shit, I lost my shit too and didn't watch anymore trailers so I could go in fresh as a fresh daisy.

One thing that bugs me about horror films is that SOOOOOO many times characters just aren't smart. They don't prepare for things and it makes me real cranky 'n' stuff when things go wrong because of their stupidity. In this film, nothing has been overlooked. These characters are like top level Girl Guides/Scouts people who probably have 'Be Prepared' tattoos.

There was one thing that bugged me, not a spoiler as it happens in many films set in the woods, why do you have to go so far away from your campsite to collect firewood? You're in the woods, the clue is in the name. Anyway.

Nope.

I fucking loved this. Barrett has written a great script that is frikken terrifying, gripping, suspenseful, and frikken hilarious in places too. It doesn't mention Book of Shadows (at least I don't think it did) which is good because I want to erase that from my memory. The actors are great, special shout out to Callie Hernandez who plays James' friend Lisa. What a performance.

I am so watching this again.

Things I learnt: if you go down the woods today you're gonna die; get your tetanus booster; stay indoors.

YASS.
Ten out of ten.

I usually put the trailer here but I'm not going to :)