Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

 Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice was directed by Zack Snyder who has become DC's darling. Not only did he direct Man of Steel, but he's also directing the two up and coming Justice League films. The script was written by Chris Terrio (Argo) who is also writing the two JL films. Co-writer is another DC alum, David S. Goyer who wrote The Dark Knight, Batman Begins and the televisions series Constantine. Writing credits also go to Batman and Superman creators Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Jerry Siegel, and Joe Shuster.  The DC posse is well and truly in da hizzle.

There may be a few mild spoilers in this but only the mild salsa kind, nowhere near the 'why did I eat this' kind of salsa.

We all know who Batman (Ben Affleck - Batfleck) and Superman (Henry Cavill - My Dreams) are by now so let's move on.

In one of his dastardly plans, Lex Luthor (Jessie Eisenberg - The Social Network), who is like an evil version of Mark Zuckerberg, frames Superman for the death of some people in the somewhere (can't remember) in the deserts of Africa.

Some alien bad guys went looking for Superman and went all Michael Bay on Gotham's ass destroying a lot of buildings and killing a lot pf people.

You up?

Batman is pissed, probably just because Superman has his own giant statue in Hero's Park and Batman doesn't.

The US gets on board with the whole Anti-Superman thing because he's an alien and American's don't like aliens. Not even building a ten foot wall paid for by Mexico can keep Superman out of the US.

Some time later, Bruce is still pissed and people still hate Superman even though he saved some cosmonauts from an exploding rocket, he saved a woman from a burning building in Mexico, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile Diana Prince, aka Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot - some of the Fast and Furious flicks), wears sexy dresses and does some googling.

 She doesn't do the spinny thing. Not once.

 More plot things happen.

The big set piece near the end is a big fight. Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman all join forces to defeat a Big Monster Dude because it's a comic book movie and saving cats is not enough to satisfy the cinema-going public these days.

#WokeUpLikeThis

The thing that got me the most, and this is the mild spoiler, is during this mammoth fight scene, Batman hardly does anything. Sweet Fuck All. He uses his grappling hooks to get away from Bad Monster Dude, he shoots it with something. That's pretty much it. There's even a shot where you can see this massive fight going on with Wonder Woman and Superman doing their thing and Batman is standing there doing nothing. Why? Because he can't do anything to take down Bad Monster Dude. Batfleck has limits.

Apart from that, the flick looks great, there are many desktop-wallpaper moments. There's even graffiti written on walls with Joe + Siegel which is a nice touch. Performances all round are pretty good. But is it a good film? You'd probably have to decide that for yourself. I did feel that Batman's motive for this 'let's troll Superman' crusade was a bit weak. After all the good things we've seen Superman do, surely Batters should have seen he was being played? I don't know.

I do have a couple of observations. There's a Big Monster Dude attacking the city and he's drawing energy from the power grid. Why, then, would you aim a nuclear weapon at it? Last time I checked there was a funk load of energy in a nuclear weapon.

Why does Batman have very elaborate dreams that don't result to anything and feature some dude who keeps repeating himself who we never see again? I haven't read the comics (gasp!) so I'm sure he means something to someone.

 I don't understand.

Batman goes out at night and doesn't need the flash light eyes so why does he need them when he fights Superman? They don't do anything and surely having such bright lights in front of your eyes would only impede your sight. Or did I miss something there as well?

One thing is for sure, I can't effing wait to see the Wonder Woman film. It's about frikken time we got a female super hero film!

Things I learnt: Bruce Wayne needs to some yoga and chill the frak out; Martha, Martha, Martha; MOAR WONDER WOMAN PLEASE!

It's hard not to compare this with Nolan's Batman trilogy, or the recent spate of Marvel films, so I'm going to anyway, this one just doesn't quite hit the mark.

Edit: Just been told by a friend that dreamy guy is this guy. 

Seven out of ten.

Do you really need to see the trailer again? I think not.