Annabelle (2014)

 Annabelle was directed by John P Leonetti (The Butterfly Effect 2) and written by Gary Dauberman who has also written Annabelle 2. Yes, the movie about the creepy-looking doll is getting a sequel.

Just-about-to-pop preggers wife Mia (Annabelle Wallis - Peaky Blinders) and so-clean-cut-he-could-be-on-Mad-Men John (Ward Horton -  The Wolf of Wall Street) have one of those lovely lives - nice house, baby on the way, everything is peachy-frikken-keen.

There's a news report on the telly about the Manson gang. She turns off the news and goes into the nursery. Dolls, horrible, freaky dolls. Pictures of dolls even. John gives Mia the ugliest doll you have ever seen. But it's because it's a collectible or something. These people have obviously never seen a horror movie.

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That night, Mia hears a scream from next door. John goes to investigate. Inside their house, Mia hears a creepy whisper "I like your dolls." Worst pick-up line ever. A crazy lady stabs Mia in the belly. Anyone thinking of Sharon Tate by now? Cops come, creepy woman is shot and dies holding doll and bleeds on doll because it's a horror movie. Good news is baby is OK and she's put on bed rest. Bad news it it's the 60s and there's no internet or Netflix. Now that's a horror movie.

Yup.

Another night, John and Mia wake up to a noise. John investigates. It's a frikken sewing machine. I mean, really. Also, doll likes rocking chairs because, again, horror movie. Doll gets thrown in bin.

Baby is born .New house. Doll is back. No surprises there. Silly super close-ups on doll. Priest (Tony Amendola - Continuum). Wise African-American Lady (because trope) (Alfre Woodard - State of Affairs). Rain. Basement. Lights go out. Yawning yet? Lightning flashes. Loud music. Getting bored now.

Anyway.... Annabelle is your regular trope-filled horror flick. Nothing really imaginative going on here. For those playing at home, Annabelle is the doll that's kept behind glass in The Conjuring. It tries to be tense, and I can't really fault it on that. Maybe I've just seen too many horror films and feel compelled to pick them apart. I don't know. It's not the first object-possession film and it certainly won't be the last (hence the sequel), I just wish they'd find something new to do with this kind of plot.

Things I learnt: Never listen to your husband, he's always wrong, especially in horror films. If someone buys you an ugly doll, burn it, and chastise your friend for giving you such an ugly gift. How can you forget that you're cooking popcorn on the stove? The whole house would smell like popcorn! Sheesh.

Not too bad.
Four out of ten.