Malignant (2021)

 

I got some new specs last week that actually let me see what I'm typing on my computer/laptop, so you might get a few more reviews out of me on a more regular basis. We'll see. No spoilers.

Fresh out of the thesaurus, Malignant is Aussie Horror King James Wan's latest flick. It was written by Wan, Akela Cooper, and Ingrid Bisu. Can we link it to The Conjuring Universe? Probs not.

You should know, it took me a few viewings of the trailer to work out that the lead in this film is the lead in Annabelle but with dark hair. New specs! What else am I missing out on?!

Panic! at the Hospital after a round of electro convulsive therapy fails to do what it's supposed to do on a patient we don't see. Doctor Florence Weaver (Jacqueline McKenzie) is super scared and says, in an Aussie accent, thank you, "It's time to cut out the cancer!" (or something like that, I didn't write it down).

Flash forward a tad. 

 

Madison Mitchell (Annabelle Wallis) has an arsehole of a husband. She's just got home from work, she's in pain, she wants to have a frikken nap. Derek (Jake Abel) wants to watch wrestling. She turns off the telly, he punches her in the stomach, and smashes her head against the wall. The back of her head starts to bleed. He tries to apologise. Yeah, nah.

Maddy goes to sleep with a lamp on (?), while Derek, banished to the couch, soon gets killed by a dark figure. Bye, Felicia. Maddy has another miscarriage. Maddy's sister Sydney (Maddie Hasson)(gosh that's confusing), who works as a princess at Family Planet (love this), visits her in hospital while Detective Kekoa Shaw (George Young) asks a bunch of questions with a sprinkle of flirting. 

Maddy gets home from hospital and walks out of the shower, towelled, with the curtains in her bedroom open. Anyone in the street can look in. Who does this? Maddy tells Sydney that Maddy was adopted when she was eight but can't remember anything before that. 

That night, Maddy has a dream/vision that she sees Doctor Weaver get murdered in her house but it's Maddy's house but not kinda. Turns out, Doctor Weaver DID get murdered. Then another doctor from back in the day is also murdered. Maddy "sees" that too. She talks to the police sketch artist who draws a face. A hilarious Detective Regina Moss (Michole Briana White) says, "put out a BOLO on Sloth from the Goonies," because that's kinda who the sketch looks like. 

 

The gang start to investigate all kinds of things which leads them to Maddy's adoptee mother/Sydney's biological mother. She sleeps with the light on in the en-suite. What is happening here??!! They trawl through VHS tapes with 90s Maddy talking to an imaginary friend, "Gabriel."

WHO IS GABRIEL?? Not telling. WHO IS HE GOING TO KILL NEXT?? Still not telling.

This is a great popcorn horror flick. If you like Wan's other flicks, you will enjoy this one.There are plenty of scares and twists and ewww moments to keep you satisfied for the duration. The core of the plot is one that has been told before (hasn't everything?) but there's enough to make it feel fresh. 

The transitions between Maddy's waking world and her dream/vision world is pretty neat, and the younger Maddy is played by Hill House's McKenna Grace who is fast becoming a horror legend in her own right.

Extra bonus: there's a super cool scene with New Zealand stunt goddess Zoë Bell for all you Death Proof fans. Gosh she's awesome. 

The physicality of the baddies' bodies in horror movies over the past few decades or so (possibly more, I can't think right now, it's almost dinner time), have become an integral part of the horror experience. Contorting limbs, the sound of cracking cartilage, what we think of as 'unnatural' movements, add an extra level of cringe to already cringe-worthy scenes, even though these movements are being performed by human bodies. Troy James, who also played the hella-creepy Pretzel Jack on Channel Zero (WATCH THIS NOW!!!) and Marina Mazepa who was in The Unholy (ALSO VERY GOOD), crank up the irk-factor of how Gabriel moves. New rule: all baddies should be able to do parkour.

Things I learnt: apparently a lot of people sleep with the lights on; someone needs to replace all these light bulbs with a higher wattage because this is a health and safety matter; don't park right at the edge of a cliff. 

Solid, but close your curtains, please.

Eight out of ten.