Final Destination 5

It's the strangest thing. I just got home from seeing this film, turned on my kitchen light, it blows. There is no way I'm changing that fucker for at least a week! Suspicious much?

If the Scream franchise has taught us anything, it's that the rules of horror evolve with each sequel. If the Final Destination franchise has taught us anything, it's that the theory of evolution is a crock of shit. Or is it?

This is director Steven Quale's first feature film, he previously worked on Avatar with James Cameron. The screenplay is by Eric Heisserer who also wrote the A Nightmare On Elm Street reboot last year.

Everything that has happened in the past four Final Destination films happen in this one. That isn't a spoiler, it's just the way these films go. But with each film, something new is introduced, the laws mutate ever so slightly. However, in the end, those mutations never seem to matter because everyone ends up dying. Death can not be beaten.

If these films have turned you off flying to Paris, driving on a highway, taking a ride on a roller coaster, or going to a speedway, it's time to add something new to that list. Do not, under any circumstances, go on a business retreat in a bus full of coworkers. You will die.

This time round Premonition Man is Sam Lawton (Nicholas D'Agosto - Fired Up!). The wanna-be chef is the one who gets everyone off the bus after seeing it fall of a crumbling suspension bridge in a vision. Naturally, one by one, the people he saved die in the way they would have been killed in the accident. Agent Block (Courtney B. Vance - FlashForward) who is investigating the accident thinks Sam is a terrorist but then changes his mind as the body count ticks over and over again. Sam and co get a few tips about death from the Coroner (Tony Todd - Candyman). He should know, he went through all this before in the first sequel.

You can pretty much put yourself in auto-pilot when watching this film. The only new bits, really, are the deaths. Each one milks the 3D-ness; from being impaled on the mast of a sailboat to a gymnastics routine that would never be shown on youtube. The opening credits are pretty cool and reminded me of the slo-mo bits of the Mythbusters experiments with lots of shattering glass and deadly implements flying through the air. The closing credits are also awesome with a bloody montage of every death in the franchise in glorious blood-spattering 3D all while listening to AC/DC's If You Want Blood, (You've Got It). Cool.

There was something different about this one and I didn't pick it up. I should have turned off that darned auto-pilot, the clues were right in front of me, and in sticking out in 3D nonetheless! One question though, since when was a 'Watch Your Step' sign ever scary? Anyone?

Things I learnt: Tony Todd rocks; bald is the new black; just don't do anything, ever again. Period.

Enjoyable.
Seven out of ten.