The Loved Ones

We have a pretty darn good track record in Australia when it comes to home grown horror flicks. Razorback scared the bejeebus out of me when I was a kid; Wolf Creek made me never want to go on a road trip out west. Now there is something else to avoid... saying no to girls who ask you out.
The Loved Ones is the first feature film for screenwriter/director Sean Byrne.
Brent (Xavier Samuel - Twilight: Eclipse) is getting driving lessons from his dad in his old car. Distracted by a mutilated teen crossing the road, Brent swerves and hits a tree. His dad is killed in the crash.
Six months later Brent is still upset and feels like his mum blames him for his father's death. At school wallflower slash psychopath Lola Stone (Robin McLeavy - 48 Shades) asks Brent to the dance. He says no, he's already going with his girlfriend Holly (Victoria Thaine - The Night We Called It A Day).
Before the high school dance, Brent gets all emo and stuff and tries to fling himself off a cliff but chickens out at the last minute. Unfortunate for him, he also gets abducted.
Brent's mate Jamie (Richard Wilson - All Saint's) has scored a date with eye-liner wearing hottie Mia (Jessica McNamee - Packed To The Rafters) and he's rather chuffed about that.
Lola's dad (John Brumpton - Red Hill) brings Brent home so his daughter can have her own special prom night. Blood-letting ensues.
There is a fine line between horror and farce. The Loved Ones may as well be the Energiser Bunny with hiking boots because it has stepped over that line and kept on going and going and going.
I have to care about the characters and want them to get rescued/freed/kill the baddie but I didn't care in this one. I was at times pleased to see the other characters stoylines just so I didn't have to watch Lola on screen. The lesser of two evils as it were.
I got so annoyed at Lola I wanted to punch her in the face myself, and her sexually repressed dad. Why it took Brent so bloody long to kick Lola out of the way is unknown. There is a really big question I'd like to ask but won't due to reasons spoilerific but WTF was that bit all about?
Jamie and Mia's characters could have been left out of the whole film completely if it weren't for one line of dialogue toward the end. Though that line could have been left out too...
The Loved Ones tries too hard to be gross and gory and instead falls on it's face and gets a nasty splinter. Don't get me wrong, there is lots of blood, and I love my blood, but most of the time less is definitely more. There are other ways to scare people.
While people in the back were laughing toward the end (the end scene is terribly melodramatic) I was checking my watch to see how much longer I had to stay in the cinema. I would have left but the ticket prices had just gone up.
Brevity is not a marketing point.
I really wish this was a better film.
Come to think of it, the whole thing could have been avoided if that policeman did his job properly and asked some frikken questions...
Things I learnt: just hurry up and kill the fucking bitch; if I ever hear that Kasey Chambers song again I'll probably punch her too (no offense Kasey).
Watch Wolf Creek.
Two out of ten.