Red

I thought 2010 was the year of the Tiger but it seems this is the year for Getting The Band Back Together. The A-Team got it's A-Team band back together; Sly got his band of action buddies back together in The Expendables; The Losers got their loser band back together.
That is a lot of bands - is there room for one more?
Screenwriters Jon and Erich Hoeber (Whiteout) adapted the comic book series by Warren Ellis and Cully Hamner. Director Robert Schwentke (The Time Traveller's Wife) well... directs.
RED. Retired and Extremely Dangerous. A bunch of old dudes who used to be CIA agents back in their prime are on someone's hit list.
Frank Moses (Bruce Willis - all Bruce Willis movies) is ex-CIA and likes to call up the pension office to chat up call centre worker Sarah (Mary Elizabeth Parker - Weeds). Sarah (who has never met Frank face to face) is addicted to trashy romance novels about a damsels being swept away by CIA agents and whatnot. One night Frank's house is shredded by CIA agents. He quickly leaves home.
He drives to Kansas City and meets (read: kidnaps) Sarah. Frank figures that the CIA would soon find out about Sarah because of all the phone calls he makes to her and she would also be in danger.
Frank visits the spooks of CIA past including nursing home resident Joe (Morgan Freeman - all Morgan Freeman movies); conspiracy enthusiast Marvin (John Malkovich - all John Malkovich movies) and love-lorn Russian ambassador Ivan (Brian Cox - not the Professor).
Hot on the heels is young(er) CIA agent Cooper (Karl Urban - Star Trek). Cooper has no idea what is going on, he's just following orders from above to take the team down.
Frank and Co. soon become the old guys who knew too much when they figure out they are part of a government cover-up. Frank raids the CIA faults for information when he gets shot. There's only one person who can help - flower-arranging, cross-stitching Victoria. There ain't nothing like a Dame Helen Mirren firing a really big gun.
Now that the gang's all there, will they be able to clear their name or will the big man up top who is calling all the shots have the band broken up... permanently?
If you've ever seen those tiny little cars that somehow manage to fit dozens of clowns inside then you'll understand what this film is like.
How many critically acclaimed actors over 50 can one fit in a film? I've purposely left out a couple of cameos so not to spoil anyone... let's just say it's a really big clown car.
The plot was rarely mentioned which is an odd thing. Perhaps one got caught up thinking up cool old dude jokes to worry about such trivial things. When the plot was mentioned it didn't really seem to matter.
My favourite would have to be John Malkovich. Not only did he get me an A for a Drama assignment back in high school (handy hint: always find out which actors your drama teacher has a crush on and write them in to your assignments) but he's also very entertaining as a former CIA drug lab guinea-pig. Can you spell LSD?
I'd love to see outtakes from this film, it looked like filming it would have been very enjoyable.
Even if the story was a bit sparse you can't help but admire the calibre of actors on screen. Karl Urban must have had a hoot getting to beat up Bruce Willis!
Writer's of such films as Knight and Day (which I really did NOT like) take note. This is how you get a chick to tag along with some strange guy whom she barely knows.
Things I learnt: stay sharp; if anyone knows about that black-ops mission you went on in the 80's kill them first; you're only as young as AK-47 you feel.
A fun ride.
Seven out of ten.